Sqoosh Your Inner Critic!

A while ago I received a comment in response to Confessions of a Successful Quitter, where I wrote about quitting careers in order to go for your dreams.  It was such an amazing piece of feedback that I’ve decided to respond to it by creating a  dedicated post! (Or maybe more, we’ll see how it goes.)

Let’s start the conversation!  Here we go…

Step 1. Understand that quitting isn’t a bad word…

Comment: “I think you are courageous and brave for reinventing yourself so many times… even though its been frustrating for you, it takes guts to be able to jump into something new every time you think something is not working.”

Thank you!  I hadn’t thought of it as courageous, just something that had to be done.  But I will definitely add this word to my collection

I’m a firm believer in quitting as many times as it takes to find your true calling, or at least purpose in life.  Life is too short (or what I used to say, TOO DAMN LONG!) to be doing something you dislike.

Allowing yourself to quit on something that is just plain not working for you is a loving and honorable act.  It shows that you care about your happiness.  (It also subliminally gives others the permission to care about their own happiness.) Your staying at a job that you don’t enjoy doesn’t contribute much benefit and healing to the World.

I used to find it difficult to honor my happiness, and then I pondered this:  My unhappiness was contagious because contrary to popular false belief, it didn’t make ANYONE happy.

I assumed wrongly that sacrificing my happiness for my parents’ happiness  was a worthy cause.  Actually, what I thought and what they thought would make them happy was also an illusion.

Instead what happened is I was working as an untalented unhappy engineer and that is one contribution the world does not need!  (Not to mention, seeing me be so unhappy was depressing to them.)

So, following your dreams takes one tiny but transformational step: Intention to quit what isn’t working for you.

Step 2. Accept your transition style  and stop comparing how others “do” change…

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Comment: “I feel like I negotiate all the time, like I am much more cautious about my approach to making big changes. I like to have multiple plans in place before I make a leap just so that I try to minimize the chances of complete and abject failure. But in the process, I think this limits me from dreaming even larger…. sometimes in taking greater risks you also have chances for greater and bigger rewards.”

I think it’s important to note that it’s all about balance.  You seem like someone who eases into making big changes in your life, and this helps you to transition smoothly.  It’s a great trait to have, especially since while planning you are assessing which changes you are ready for.  That takes honesty and acceptance of who you are in the present moment.

Many of us who desire changes in our lives become attached and try force-fitting  it (a spin off of force-feeding, you like?!) into our present reality.  We become impatient “I want it now!  When will the goodies arrive??”

I’m someone who takes huge leaps into the unknown, and a lot of times because I came unprepared and wasn’t as ready for the changes as I thought I was, I got lots of scrapes and bruises along the way.  However, I’ve made peace with my transition style (this can be an ongoing effort) and celebrate in the ways it has worked in my favor.

Let go of comparing how others “do” transition with how you “do” transition, as there is no right or wrong way.  And what works for others may not work for you. 

Criticizing yourself for your approach to making changes and manifesting the life you want is abusive  and doesn’t allow for change to happen.

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Step 3.  Let go of regret and any limiting beliefs you adopted from past experiences of “taking risks” and “making changes”…

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On the other hand, we all have to assess whether we are erring on the side of safety and protection due to past memories of “things not working out” or if there really is a reason to be cautious and it’s your intuition guiding you.

If it’s the past that’s haunting you, it might be worth looking into the limiting beliefs you adopted from those experiences–they may be faulty.  As blame, shame, guilt and self-judgment often disillusion us from the real reasons things happened the way they did.

Comment “I chose to go to grad school for 2 years to learn these skills…There are benefits to me having done what I did (like creating contacts in my industry in New York), and disadvantages (such as a big student loan and loss of income/retirement savings for a few years). Its hard to tell at this point what would have been better.”

Wondering if choosing the other alternative would have gotten you to where you want to go faster is I think, irrelevant.  And for what purpose?  It may lead to regret and regret is useless.

The important thing to remember is that it doesn’t matter how you get to where you want to go, just as long as you get there. Every path is perfect and unique in its own way; celebrate the wonderful gifts that the path you’ve chosen is giving you now.

I spent 6 years studying Engineering and I spent a lot of time regretting it.  And then I realized that was a useless thing to do, as it would then negate the amazing friendships I made, that are still with me today.

You might not have the confirmation that going to graduate school was beneficial to your current goals/dreams until years down the road.  But what I know for sure is, you will reap the rewards of that experience; one way or another.

…Regret is immobilizing and in the moment you are in regret, you are not creating the life you want.

You can choose only one thing at a time to do, shall it be regret or create?

What is your transition style and how has it worked in your favor?  Is there a moment in your life where you once regretted a decision but then it turned out to benefit you after all?

I always learn something new from my readers, so please share your thoughts and stories with all of us by leaving a reply to this post!

Or, if you have a question about how to sqoosh the criticism that’s troubling you in your life, please feel free to submit your question.

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